So here I sit writing this blog on a lovely Thursday morning...from where you might ask...work? like where I'm supposed to be? Nooo and why? Because of my friend, Crystal. The other day she posted on her Facebook status about whether she should try the Master Cleanse. For those who don't know it's basically a very disciplined fast with juice, cayenne and maple syrup for ten days. Well I'm hungry like a fat girl all the time so I couldn't do all that but I saw this section on something called a Salt Water Flush. Basically you drink a quart of warm water on an empty stomach with 2 tsps of salt. Supposably within 5 minutes you will shit your life and toxins away then in an hour your skinny and flushed out and good to go. Basically a ghetto colonic. Well keeping up with my princess like qualities I never really have been one to shit roses on a regular basis so I thought hey why don't I do this? You see right here was the same part of my brain making the decision that also is responsible for saying one more shot when I'm at a bar.
Anyways I set my alarm for 5am, got up and chugged my warm salt water....100% harder than it sounds, especially right when you wake up, empty stomach....warm...gross....salty (yeah yeah)....a quart!!
So it says lie on your right side to aid digestion so I go back to bed and do so. An hour later I woke up and nothing. I didn't even feel like I had to go however I did feel like puking up that water. It just feels like it's sitting in your throat so I got up and went to make some coffee when I felt it hit....I sprinted like a Kenyan to the bathroom. Pure ass soup....ok success....oh no....10 minutes later....then 10 mins after that....and 10 after that to the point where now not only did I need to call myself out of work but I'm skinny and dehydrated like a mutherfucker and I feel a lot less toxic and when people ask me how I stay so skinny now I'm going to just reply with Crystal. They can take that however they want.