Thursday, February 9, 2012

Blame it on Crystal

So here I sit writing this blog on a lovely Thursday morning...from where you might like where I'm supposed to be? Nooo and why? Because of my friend, Crystal. The other day she posted on her Facebook status about whether she should try the Master Cleanse. For those who don't know it's basically a very disciplined fast with juice, cayenne and maple syrup for ten days. Well I'm hungry like a fat girl all the time so I couldn't do all that but I saw this section on something called a Salt Water Flush. Basically you drink a quart of warm water on an empty stomach with 2 tsps of salt. Supposably within 5 minutes you will shit your life and toxins away then in an hour your skinny and flushed out and good to go. Basically a ghetto colonic. Well keeping up with my princess like qualities I never really have been one to shit roses on a regular basis so I thought hey why don't I do this? You see right here was the same part of my brain making the decision that also is responsible for saying one more shot when I'm at a bar.

Anyways I set my alarm for 5am, got up and chugged my warm salt water....100% harder than it sounds, especially right when you wake up, empty stomach....warm...gross....salty (yeah yeah)....a quart!!

So it says lie on your right side to aid digestion so I go back to bed and do so. An hour later I woke up and nothing. I didn't even feel like I had to go however I did feel like puking up that water. It just feels like it's sitting in your throat so I got up and went to make some coffee when I felt it hit....I sprinted like a Kenyan to the bathroom. Pure ass soup....ok success....oh no....10 minutes later....then 10 mins after that....and 10 after that to the point where now not only did I need to call myself out of work but I'm skinny and dehydrated like a mutherfucker and I feel a lot less toxic and when people ask me how I stay so skinny now I'm going to just reply with Crystal. They can take that however they want.


  1. Holly $heet girl!(Haha) Im reading this thinking you found the cure to rapid weight loss! seriously as I'm pouring warm water and salt in a pitcher ready to gulp it all down in excitement (sparkle in eyes) at the thought of a skinny me....of course to good to be true...*pouring salt water down the sink ...sorry to hear ur not feeling well :-/ xoxo

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE! i tried this and didn't get passed the wanting to throw up stage! lmao!.... so i just threw it up and ate a sandwich. do u think this is ok to do when ur pregnant? i'm not that far along and, if i can make it without throwing up, i'll be less fat. hmmm....
    ps: my sister has made the decision to make the master cleanse her way of life with random snacks every once in a while... cray-zeee

  3. HAHA I have to try this out this weekend....

  4. LMAO!! OMG, that's insane!! My first thought was how I hardheaded I am about following the dentist orders of just swishing the damn salt water in my mouth!! But to actually swallow it too! But being a curious crazy person and wanting to drop 20, I kinda want to try it! LOL! Then again, being somewhat undisciplined and like Lucky said, "I would eat a sandwich!!" LOL!