Wednesday, July 25, 2012

5 Minutes

This could not be more true.

This too

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Cop Killing Justice

I wish the people who are so outraged at the shooting of Manuel Angel Diaz that they feel the need to have 4 day protests, riot and seek legal action were this passionate about doing the same to fight any of the illegal activity this known gang member was guilty of. He's been convicted of weapons, drugs, gang violence, street terrorism and stealing but hey he's an innocent guy.....shut up!!! While I don't agree with needlessly shooting people I also don't know what these people expect to happen when they run from the police.  If you are not guilty, do not run, it's pretty basic. Let's say when this criminal ran, the police said ok well he ran so we'll just try to catch up with him later and then he goes on to hurt or kill someone else. You know damn well that  everyone would freak out and say the police had a chance to stop him but they didn't. While that is a hypothetical situation here a an actual one and you tell me what you think the officer should have done? I don't see how anyone can look at that situation and think its so unjust that they must go out and riot??

The day after Diaz was killed, a gang investigator patrolling a nearby neighborhood saw a stolen vehicle and tried to pull it over, according to the police association. The driver instead led officers on a short pursuit and crashed; three people got out and ran.
One of them, Acevedo, turned during the chase and fired a handgun at an officer, the police association said. The officer returned fire, killing him. A handgun was recovered next to his body.

Were any of these people who were killed by police actually innocent decent citizens minding their own business? No. I hate when people who are involved in a shit ton of bad things end up getting caught up and then the families try to capitalize on it like they are an innocent victim. Their lifestyle lead them to their grave. The worst part is it wouldn't have mattered if this guy had a grenade in his hand, the city is already under scrutiny and they will end up settling this case to please the general public. How's that for justice? oh and rioting and breaking into stores al la Rodney King does nothing but punish innocent store owners and does NOTHING to fight your "cause". Keep riding that bandwagon.

Batman Would Never Pull That Shit

The Aurora, CO shootings hit hard for our family so when I saw this on a friends FB I had to re-post it on my blog. Thanks A for being my impromptu guest blogger today.

Ok, so I've been glued to CNN for 24 hours. I wish the cops would've killed that guy! But, this is not about that... it is, but it's not. It's about that young couple with the 2 kids. The news was had a segment about how they narrowly escaped death... but, the underlaying story was what it really should've been about. This dude is on the news, he admits that he not only left his girlfriend & her 4 year old daughter in the theater... but he also dropped his 3-4 month old baby on the ground (who was asleep on his lap) & boned out of the building. Then he had enough sence to get into his car, put his keys into the ignition & DRIVE THE FUCK HOME! Seriously??? His girlfriend saved herself & her 2 children... all the while having a bullet lodged in her leg. She finally makes it outside, borrows someone elses phone to call her douchebag of a boyfriend... who then drives back to the theater to get them & take her & her children to the hospital. OH MY FUCKING GAWWWWD! Ohhhh, then he's like... oh shit, she's pissed that I'm a pussy... bright idea... I'll ask her to marry me, because that shit's romantic & chicks can't be angry around romance. 


But, then again... she's not all that smart either. She took a brand new baby to a packed midnight showing.

I'll tell you what's romantic... a guy saving you & your children from a mass murderer. NOT a sissy who runs all the way home without one thought of anyone except himself. Hell, he didn't even call the cops or offer anyone else a ride. HE JUST RAN... like Forest fucking Gump!

Hopefully, that was the most traumatic thing that will ever happen to that lady & her kids (& her boyfriend, too). With that said, she now knows that if a burglar ever breaks into her house, her boyfriend will probably throw her, along with her children at Mr. Burglar & run away. If her car gets a flat tire in the middle lane of the freeway... she now knows that he will probably be too scared to get out of the car & she'll have to change her own damn tire. Really, what's the point... if you can't count on a man to be a man & do hot, sexy hero-like man stuff... why keep him around?! I would've pulled that bullet out of my leg & shoved it right up his ass.

I know, unless you're in that situation you really don't know what you would do. But, Jesus Christ... Batman would never leave the women & children behind.

The Kids Are Doing Olive Oil

Ok so we have had a huge problem with rats/mice all of a sudden out on our deck which of course being the girly girl that I am has me all in a panic. I moved all of our stuff from our storage closets to a storage facility. We had to throw away probably 5-6 boxes of belongings as well as suitcases and other random things because they had pooped all over it and apparently if the particles are breathed in it can be toxic. We had the Vector come out and they basically said because we had small dogs they couldn't leave the big traps so the best thing to do was just clear everything out and with no good hiding spots they would find somewhere else to live.

So I did all that and blasted our back door with notes forbidding anyone from opening the door so they couldn't get in the house but it still wasn't enough. I would sit there staring outside waiting to see one and sure enough they were still there so I decided to go buy some rat traps. Target is not exactly the pest exterminating depo so they only thing that said rat on it was the big sticky traps you lay out so I got a few.

The very first day BAM! I caught one. I could see it still struggling out there and yes it was sad but what do you want me to do? They are diseased animals its not like I can catch it and have a rat releasing party. So I decided to leave it there and come back and deal with it later. So I come home at lunch and the back door is wide open (oh somebody is in deep trouble for ignoring my sticky note commands), the rat trap & rat is gone which Im assuming my son took out and as I'm turning to go back in I see a big bottle of olive oil. Now while olive oil in itself is not that odd, a brand new bottle of it sitting outside is. Plus I wasn't even sure if it was ours. I remember looking at it at the store but thinking do I really need to spend $10 on Olive oil right now so I couldn't say for sure if it came from our house? Perhaps there is an olive oil fairy? So I ask my son for answers. He owned up to taking the rat to the trash and possibly forgetting to shut the door but claimed the olive oil wasn't his, he hadn't seen it earlier and knew nothing of it. I start to get a little weirded out like who the heck just drops off some olive oil and with the door being open did someone come in the house? is  anything gone? I'm aware that I'm retarded and go into panic mode way to quickly but this not weird?

The next morning bam bam again I caught 2 more with my traps. Again when I got home my son had disposed of them. So weeks go by and I catch no more. I have seen a few zip past the back door a few times but they must be on to the traps cause they aren't working anymore, and yet that olive oil is still out there. No one wanted to touch it and we darn sure weren't going to use it. So last night I'm sitting there watching TV and I can see the bottle out of the corner of my eye mocking me and I realize some is gone so I'm like what the heck is going on like someone is not just coming into my backyard to use a little olive oil that they stored there.

Then I started thinking it's got to be my son and I'm wondering what the heck he can possibly be doing with the olive oil outside? Is it some kind of drug thing cause I mean the kids these days have resorted to snorting the bath salts so maybe there is something they do with the olive oil. THE KIDS ARE DOING OLIVE OIL!!! So I get my son and sit him down and demand some answers. I'm like I need closure for the olive oil I need to know whats going on!! I won't be mad I just need to know. There I am waiting to find out if there's some way to get drunk off olive oil or how putting olive oil in the bong water makes it stronger or even that he's out back deep conditioning his locks or something but no....he takes a deep breath and tells me that he's been using it on the traps so the mice wont stick to it cause he said he feels bad when they are out there squirming and dying. Oh I wish you could have seen my face. I wasn't prepared for that answer although I should have expected it from my son, always the sensitive Pisces soul he is. I was a little bit in shock. That was certainly not the answer I expected but its definitely better than thinking he is out there pounding olive oil. I just have to laugh a bit at myself when I think that there I was at the store buying both the poison and the antidote all in the same trip. So now were back to square one.

Unfit Parenting

Here's some good quality advice if anyone you know is pregnant. If this came from a book I would have assumed it was written long ago when things like Radon might be a bit more relevant but no this is in fact from the world wide web meaning it was written sometime not that many years ago. This was in the 3 months section, not in the oops I just found out so i guess I better make some life changes section. I like how they don't tell you to stop drinking just don't consume too much. Seems like legit advice for a pregnant person a third of her way into pregnancy. 

If you haven't done this before, then now is the time to check out and try to eliminate any unhealthy substances in your environment and lifestyle, like exposure to tobacco smoke, consuming too much alcohol and radon poisoning.

P.S.  I would like to impose the death penatly on anyone who names their kid Trixie. Who is this lady?? I think it would be cute...oh man there is nothing cute about that name. Your daughter will be destined for great things like hanging out at truck stops.

The Best 18th B-day Present Ever

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Are You Stupid?

"What's the matter with you are you stupid or something?",  "Are you really that dumb"? Have you ever asked someone a form of this question? It doesn't matter who your asking a kid, a husband, a co-worker, a McDonalds employee they all do the same exact thing...pause for a good solid 2-4 seconds and they have the same look which conveys 1 of 2 possibilities.

1. They pause to contemplate whether they are really in fact, stupid. They think to themselves gosh lately I have been doing a lot of dumb things, and...well what I just did right now caused this other person to become concerned (ie: angry, mad, frustrated) enough to genuinely wonder if I am in fact stupid.

2. They pause because they are confused and trying to figure out if this is one of those times where people don't actually want an answer to their question but are asking you anyways. They become momentarily paralyzed while they debate whether or not to answer. Which if they have to wonder whether or not answer a rhetorical question, the answer to your original question is in fact, Yes.

Either way, their stupid actions caused you to have to actually ask if they were stupid because it was so convincing and for political reasons you needed to clarify because if you carried on attacking them after they admitted to being stupid then it would be just as wrong as telling a retarded person they were acting retarded. As long as the "questionable stupid person" claims he/she is not, it's game on! Stupid!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Chinese Egg Drop Potty Soup

I stumbled across this hotel review in Yelp the other day and couldn't stop laughing.

I'm going to admit something very embarrassing to you.  I hate to crap in public places.  But sometimes it's very necessary, sometimes even an emergency.  When I go number two in a public place, I build a nest.  All my friends know it and they make fun of me for it.  I've got a ritual that I go through.  First, I wipe down the seat in case there's some diarrhea bubble or urine that I can't see.  Then I put down an ass-gasket.  Last, I'll fold a couple of strips of toilet paper in two and lay one on each side on top of the ass-gasket.  It takes me a while to build it up enough for me to be able to sit down.

I'm convinced that people lose money at this casino and instead of taking it out on the buffet like any normal person would in Vegas, people take it out on the restroom.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  There are no security cameras and you can make a freakin' mess and someone has to come clean it up.  That's some people's revenge on the casino for losing money while gambling.  

The restrooms at Morongo are filthy.  The first restroom I went to had stalls with urine and toilet paper strewn about.  It looked like someone had a little ticker tape parade in there.  Then some neanderthals pissed all over the toilet seats.  The toilet paper is cheap and when the toilets flush, it rips the toilet paper to shreds without getting rid of it all so it looks like Chinese egg drop soup in the toilet bowl..  I left that restroom and went to another one that was in the same sad state of affairs  It's gross.

If it wasn't a dire emergency, I would have left Morongo and gone somewhere else.  This review was only of the restrooms.  As for the rest of the place, it's a casino... go check it out.

Friday, July 13, 2012

3 Kinds of Fake Homeless I Hate

I know I usually try to reserve this blog for funny stuff but this family drives me so crazy that I have to blog about it. I don't know what happened but Aliso Viejo has apparently become a mecca for people standing at corners with the fancy signs begging for money. I have a HUGE dislike for these people. Passing by them does not make me sad, it doesn't make me want to help out what it does is take all of my self control to not get out and unload my opinion on them.

First we have this fat, clean, decently dressed blonde lady who's sign claims she's a single mom and needs help. For at least 8 months now I've seen her and I have no clue where her kids are but she puts in some hours each day. If she is actually a single mom and if she is able to find someone to watch her kid each day then WHY not go get a real job instead of standing on the corner begging?????????

Now onto the next one that kills me, the guy with the dog. You have your dog sitting on a street corner, no water, no food, no shade. I get it, if I was homeless I'd probably want a dog too so I could have a buddy and someone to keep me safe but if you cannot give a dog the bare necessities then it's cruel and selfish for you to keep it. Every time I see this guy I won't give him shit but I always have something for the dog. It's all I can do to not throw a can of dog food at this guys head and tell the dog to get in my car.

And onto my most hated one of all: The whole family. These people enrage me. There always out here on weekends and late at night with their whole entire family. Again, if you have the means to have someone watch your children so you can go make some money, why would you chose not to and instead make them sit on the a corner and beg with you you selfish fucks!! The mom sits on her ass in a chair and the dad holds the sign and the kids just sit around. As a parent I have no idea how you can put your children through this, why you would allow this to be part of their childhood. I understand that people fall on hard times, I get it, I've been there. I also know its not always possible to shield your children from these times but you sure as fuck can take some measures to not make them a part of it. I'm sure these pathetic parents use their kids as a sympathy card which disgusts me to no end. The only thing that prevents me from calling child services on them is the worry that being separated from their parents and possibly their siblings would be more traumatic for the kids then what they are going through right now.

Oh yes and my favorite part of all three of these examples is.....THEY ALL HAVE CELL PHONES!!

Your Dog Can Be A Whore Too

Ok so if you're looking to get your dog knocked up or gangraped by the local mutts who roam your neighborhood you might want to stop at Petsmart and pick up something from the new Bret Michaels dog clothing line.

Here's a lovely corset, leather skirt and a jean outfit for your favorite four legged whore.

P.S. Stay tuned for pix of my dogs in these outfits. I mean, I just buying them for the sake of the blog, ya yeah. My dogs aren't whores, their just popular.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Love Connections Made by Huffing Smelly T-Shirts

Just when you think you have seen it all up pops the thing you were so not looking for in a google search and tadaaahhh!

Pheromone Parties

How The Party Works

  1. Guests sleep in a clean, white, cotton tshirt for 3 nights in a row to capture their odor print and bring this in a ziplock bag to the party.
  2. Bags are labeled pink for girl, blue for boy. Each bag is assigned a number. Only the guest knows what their shirt’s number is.
  3. Bags are placed on a table. Guests smell the bags at their leisure throughout the party.
  4. If a guest finds the smell attractive, they take a picture with the bag at a photographer station. These pictures are projected as a slide show on the wall at the party.
  5. If you see a picture of a guest you find attractive holding your number, this is the greenlight to talk to them. Haaaay.
  6. At the end of the party, a facebook album is created and all of the pictures are tagged - so if you missed your match at the party, you can still contact them.
First I'd like to point out in the picture the girl is holding a bag that says 24 which would mean that someone really #1 put this party on and then #2 found at least 24 people who wanted to come and smell 23 other peoples gross sleep shirts. And we all know how dating is, you put your best foot forward so let me assure you these people probably suddenly became the types who had to shower before bed, maybe a splash of cologne or a lil body spray for for damn sure some deodorant. Suckas!