Friday, September 10, 2010

Abortion Clinic Playlist

**ok I know some people will be offended by this but for the 16% of you who will be laughing throughout the day at how very wrong but very funny this is, it's worth it. Feel free to add tracks I left out.

Back in the saddle again-Aerosmith
There goes my baby-Usher
Cleaning out my closet-Eminem
Pop that pussy-2 Live Crew
Hit me baby one more time-Britney Spears
Nananana nananana hey hey hey goodbye-Steam
Thanks for the memories-Fall Out Boy
Because I got high-Afroman
Dirty little secret-All American Rejects
Help I’m alive-Metric
I get knocked down-Chumbawanba
Ain’t gonna tie me down-New Boys
Throw it in the bag-Fabolous

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Emotionally unavailable woman seeking emotionally unavailable man

So when I was in Boston we went to Salem to check out all the witch stuff and I found these cool bracelets. You pick out the one you want to represent whatever you want in life and when it falls off that is supposed to mean that has been fulfilled or reached in your life. So I picked love and spiritual balance. So this morning in the shower my love one fell off so if anyone has anything they want to tell me right now I'm waiting....hello? hello? this thing on??

anyways, speaking of emotionally unavailable craigslist had an amazing ad:

-Must have a busy schedule. This must be legit. Holding down a 3.8 in the College of Engineering while working two jobs, running a business, publishing original research=busy. Sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, smoking with your friends, watching re-runs of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”=not busy.
That way, we can always blame everything on “timing.” (It’s not you or me)
-Must play control games with me. I will push and shove, and it is your job to nonverbally put me in my place by constantly “taking control of the situation.” This is how you will establish your “dominance.” This will not be easy (but that’s what makes it fun).
Other ways to “stay in control:” ask all the questions, do all of the interrogation. If I ever become upset, accuse me of being “emotional” or “unreasonable.” It's always "inside my head." Also, see me when it is convenient for you. Don't always answer my calls. Remain somewhat aloof. You don’t want to let me have the upper hand.
-Must be willing to banter back and forth with me. I will get bored and lose interest otherwise.
-Must be into exciting and potentially dangerous activities, like stealing road signs, driving like a maniac, and getting arrested by the police.
Actually, scratch that last one. There is a difference between risky and reckless. Then there is “retarded.” (I’m still undecided on where to place “posting personal ads on Craigslist.”)
In turn, will never call you too much (although I won’t hesitate to call you out) nor will I make you feel guilty about not “spending enough time with me.” I won’t nag you about commitment (or “where this relationship is going”) because it will never be “that” serious. We won’t talk about feelings because—well, I’d rather not.
Only short-listed applicants will be contacted (no phone calls or multiple e-mails, please).

How freakin bad ass is this?? If I were ever a motorcycle cop I want the kind with the shotgun on the back? I was trying to be all slick taking a pic on my phone without getting in trouble. Do they all have this and I just never noticed?

Onto the news....a hello kitty tattoo? Why do I feel like I should know her? and too funny, really? the guys didn't want to cooperate with police? You don't say.

HUNTINGTON BEACH – A man called to report two strippers he hired for a bachelor party took money without taking off their clothes and pepper-sprayed two of the men.

Police at about 3 a.m. Sunday responded to the 7600 block of Center Avenue after a man called saying two exotic dancers took a $500 payment and left, according to police records.

The man told police they followed the dancers downstairs to try and claim their cash and one of the women shot pepper spray at two of the men and punched one of them in the face, the call report says.

One of the women had a Hello Kitty tattoo on her calf and they were seen leaving in some type of SUV, the report says.

The caller told police he found the women on Craig's List.

Police took a report but the men who were pepper sprayed did not want to cooperate with an investigation, the call report says.

I hope that you can see this picture. I was at a stoplight when a woman hanging from a tree caught my eye. Who has this whole pirate set up in their backyard including hanging wench? and can I come over and play?