Lets Fuckin Wreck This Place Dad!

I saw my neighbor outside and he told me he can always tell when I leave the house and I asked if it’s because I slam the door and he said no it’s because you let out a little squeal every time your body hits the cold air. Ahaha.

Anyways speaking of letting out squeals…I let out a big one in the dressing room at Urban Outfitters as I zipped my skin up in a skirt I was trying on. The guy was all um are you ok? No ass get in here and take your shirt off to use as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. It did leave this nice vampire/snakebite which is kind of hot if I imagine it was caused by a delicious boy with fangs nibbling on my side.




Anyways my friend wrote a fantastic male response to my blog on the lack of romance from guys these days and it’s amazing and it made me want to hi five his dog so here you go.

I think most guys at least once in their life try to do something real romantic and sweet, and if it is a success “they get awesome sex out of it” they will continue on a path of romance. More often than not I would guess that it ends in a night of talking about feelings and cuddling, not that that isn’t cool, when I lived in Mass my nick name was “the Boston cuddler” partially because I often was found cuddling with women, and partially because I was often found cuddling with other people’s girlfriends. But back to my point, guys just want someone to play with their package, they want to put it in places where it does not belong, they want to have conversations about it, they want to have it just worn out. Whatever makes that happen is the thing they are going to do. (ha, I’m beginning to get it lol) I have 2 stories, one is romantic and ends in me taking a bubble bath while sipping on champagne and eating fruit, this is the fail story! The other one ends in some of my furniture being broken, my room made a mess of, and my dog humping one of my teddy bears. This was an awesomely successful night!

Romantic:

So I had been dating a girl and really liked her so I wanted to take her away for a nice romantic weekend. I booked us a private cabin in Estes Park, one of the ones with the heart shaped jacuzzi in the bedroom. I went out and bought wine, champagne, fruit, some nice lingerie for her “ you’re probably surprised I would buy a woman lingerie” (for those wondering the boy who wrote this once showed up at my doorstep on xmas day with a present, handed it to me and then left. I went inside and opened it in front of my parents and it was tons and tons of awesome expensive matching bra/panty sets and mind you this was like mid high school sometime  anyways back to the story), flowers, and all the various supplies I could think of to make the weekend perfect! So I pick her up at her place after work on Friday and we begin a beautiful drive along the mountains from Boulder to Estes Park, we talk about how awesome the weekend is going to be and all the things we are going to do and how relaxing it is going to be. So we get to the cabin and it is about 8 pm so she starts trying to find a place to get dinner while I bring our bags in and sneak my bags of romantic crap in. she gets ready and then I go into the bedroom and quickly put the flowers, champagne, glasses, fruit, and lay the nighty out on the bed one of the pieces of lingerie I got for her. We go out to dinner and on the way back she is getting tired so I tell her to rest a little on the drive back. We get back to the cabin and she wakes up and we walk in and she is like I am so tired, let’s go to bed. I was all for that idea thinking she was going to be so excited when we get in the bed room that we will be making a mess of the place until morning. We get in the room and she is like ohhhhhh your so sweet! Flowers, fruit, champagne, a nightie, and everything! You are so sweet! I can’t wait to wear it tomorrow night…Crash! Smash! Boom! Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say? Tomorrow? Are you fucking kidding me? Tomorrow is like 24hrs away! I am horny now and telling me tomorrow is like telling me I have to wait till tomorrow to take a deuce after just eating Mexican food! Of course I did not say any of this but it was what I was thinking. So I am like ok that’s fine, let’s cuddle and fall asleep then, I was confident that I could rub on her and get her hot enough to at least have a quickie with me. Girl was I wrong! So here I am with a super hot chick laying almost naked next to me I am all jacked up and wanting to go at it and she is fuckin snoring! Out to the world! Closed for business! Son of a bitch! I am so horny I cannot lay there next to her so I get out of bed and take a bubble bath, drink some champagne, and eat some fruit to chill out! The next day she was like oh last night was so romantic, you’re so sweet… I was like yeah it was really nice. The next night went down almost the same, tired after hiking and having such a relaxing day. Weekend score Estes park-$1200 of my money me -0 action! What a waste! I will never do that again!

Awesome night: – same girl!

We are at a party at 3 of my ex girlfriend’s house, my current girlfriend is drinking and acting extra sexy to me. We drink and have a good time and as it is getting to be about time to leave she whispers to me, I want to be dirty with you tonight. Huh? Wait what? I want to do something with you I have never done before. Oh shit! She is either talking about folding laundry, having a threesome, or letting me in the back door! 2 of which are awesome ideas! So we get in the car and it is just the 2 of us so 50% of my options are still awesome! We get back to my place and start fooling around immediately! We are both naked she climbs up on my entertainment center so her business is near my face, when she was getting down she stepped on a shelf and broke it but I didn’t give a fuck, we went at it on the bed! Pulled the comforter off and went at it on the floor! It was so hot my min pin grabbed one of my teddy bears and started going at it! I looked over at him and he looked at me and I swear he said to me “lets fuckin wreck this place dad!" The night went on like this for at least an hour and let me tell you, we did not fold any laundry! Score - $0 of my money, me- exhausted and sleeping like a baby!