Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Backscracthes Are the New Hickey

My friend Xilla pointed out the other day to me that back scratches have become the new hickey. Hickeys can obviously only get there by one way therefore letting the world…and sometimes your girlfriend, know that you have gotten some action. For whatever reason, hickeys have gone out of style, deemed trashy and inappropriate so it seemed as though there was a void until now. The back scratch has stepped in to fill it. Similar to the hickey back scratches indicate that you have had some naughty fun and just like with hickeys no one gives them to themselves so there’s no good alibi like come on baby I was just real itchy so I clawed my own back wolverine style. (Side note: how fuckin awesome was the Wolverine costume this Halloween??) Anyways, I’m going to go out on a limb here and dare to say backscratchers are even worse than hickeys because let’s face it, you can and most likely gave or got a hickey during a make out sesh. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a hickey but I can say that when I received one it never escalated to sex. That being said pretty much the only time a girl is going to scratch a dudes back is when he’s balls deep in her and his dick is pounding into her cervix like he’s drilling for oil. So the moral of the story is if your man comes home with a hickey, you need to stop dating 14 year olds. If your man comes homes with scratch marks on his back, you need to find a new man right after you kick his ass.

Of course, it could always be this...

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