Anyways, I came across the local police reports for my area and instead of finding some juicy crime I found myself falling out of my chair laughing. These are 100% true…Huntington Beach’s April Police Reports….
What: Assault
Where: Edinger Avenue and Beach Boulevard , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 1:42 a.m. , Sunday, April 25, 2010
Description: A man in a black Mercedes sports car and a man in a dark blue Jaguar got into a fight. The man in the Mercedes is the former husband of the man in the Jaguar's girlfriend.
Hahahha why do I miss all the good stuff?? I wonder if they had crappy cars if it would still be relevant? Like the guy in the teal Kia fought the guy in the 84 civic hatchback….
What: Petty theft
Where: Main Street and Pacific Coast Highway , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 1:01 p.m. , Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Description: A man in all black clothing stole a bicycle and was last seen heading west near the HB Beer Co.
Well….I can explain this…Im pretty sure this man was in need of a beer ASAP. Realizing Brew Co was a good block away he jumped at the opportunity when he saw a bike and solved his delima.
What: Assault
Where: 700 block Main Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 11:24 p.m. , Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Description: A man said another man head-butted him and ran away.
Well else would one except when your in the I.E. by the Sea?
What: Assault
Where: Algonquin Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 12:05 a.m. , Sunday, April 18, 2010
Description: A woman was hit by another woman in a white lace top with black tank top underneath, mini skirt, and "lots of eye liner."
Ohhh we “thought” we had the suspect but this one only had a medium amount of eyeliner. On a sad note, Im pretty sure they just described my outfit from last Friday…just sayin…
What: Keep the peace
Where: Beach Boulevard , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 4:27 p.m. , Thursday, April 15, 2010
Description: A steak delivery man was accepting pesos as payment. However, when he tried to cash the pesos at a bank, he was told the currency not acceptable. The delivery man then tried to get the meat back but five steaks and two burgers were missing.
Mmmmm how many pesos would that be? Seems to me this guy should get employee of the month for going above and beyond to make a sale happen.
What: Lewd act(s)
Where: 200 block Main Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 4:43 a.m. , Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Description: A man reportedly ejaculated in a restauant.
Damn them for not telling us which restaurant and in his defense most of these places make you wait like a good 45 mins just to get your drink order (Hello Tuna Town!) so he probably just figured since he had a shitton of time to kill.
What: Burglary
Where: 16800 block Limelight Circle , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 9:25 p.m. , Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Description: A woman said someone broke into her house but the only thing missing was her underwear.
Fucker!
What: Assault
Where: 200 block Main Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 12:29 a.m. , Saturday, April 10, 2010
Description: A caller told police he was pushed against a table at a bar "by a gentleman with weapons." The weapons turned out to be crutches.
Is this the part when you’re a cop that you just start going really? Really?? Im here to save the world from cripples?
What: Lewd act(s)
Where: 9600 block Velardo Drive , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 12:45 p.m. , Friday, April 09, 2010
Description: A caller reported seeing a naked man and woman "bouncing around" in a car parked across the street.
Just testing out the shocks I presume…
What: Person down
Where: Olive Avenue and Main Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 4:24 p.m. , Sunday, April 04, 2010
Description: A man appeared to have passed out at IHop.
I just love the “what” here…Person down at Ihop…not that unusual if you’ve ever been to our Ihop.
What: Burglary
Where: 600 block Main Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 12:22 a.m. , Saturday, April 03, 2010
Description: Someone entered a home through an unlocked bathroom window and took $3,000 in cash, a Dell laptop computer, a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic pistol, .22-caliber pistol and a gold necklace.
I'm not saying a drug dealer lives here but...
What: Suspicious person/circumstances
Where: 21100 block Beach Boulevard , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 5:55 p.m. , Friday, April 02, 2010
Description: A 15-year-old boy was hanging out in a store for an hour saying "shroom, shroom, shroom." The caller felt the boy may need medical attention.
The last thing this boy needed was the authorities effin with his trip.
What: Disturbance
Where: 400 block California Street , Huntington Beach, CA
When: 6:23 p.m. , Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Description: A woman who sounded hysterical called police to report that her roommate was touching her stuff.
I think this is my old roommate…..no joke.
P.S.
My latte looks more like a chemistry lesson then something I should be drinking…
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