Are You Stupid?

"What's the matter with you are you stupid or something?",  "Are you really that dumb"? Have you ever asked someone a form of this question? It doesn't matter who your asking a kid, a husband, a co-worker, a McDonalds employee they all do the same exact thing...pause for a good solid 2-4 seconds and they have the same look which conveys 1 of 2 possibilities.

1. They pause to contemplate whether they are really in fact, stupid. They think to themselves gosh lately I have been doing a lot of dumb things, and...well what I just did right now caused this other person to become concerned (ie: angry, mad, frustrated) enough to genuinely wonder if I am in fact stupid.

2. They pause because they are confused and trying to figure out if this is one of those times where people don't actually want an answer to their question but are asking you anyways. They become momentarily paralyzed while they debate whether or not to answer. Which if they have to wonder whether or not answer a rhetorical question, the answer to your original question is in fact, Yes.

Either way, their stupid actions caused you to have to actually ask if they were stupid because it was so convincing and for political reasons you needed to clarify because if you carried on attacking them after they admitted to being stupid then it would be just as wrong as telling a retarded person they were acting retarded. As long as the "questionable stupid person" claims he/she is not, it's game on! Stupid!

Chinese Egg Drop Potty Soup

I stumbled across this hotel review in Yelp the other day and couldn't stop laughing.

I'm going to admit something very embarrassing to you.  I hate to crap in public places.  But sometimes it's very necessary, sometimes even an emergency.  When I go number two in a public place, I build a nest.  All my friends know it and they make fun of me for it.  I've got a ritual that I go through.  First, I wipe down the seat in case there's some diarrhea bubble or urine that I can't see.  Then I put down an ass-gasket.  Last, I'll fold a couple of strips of toilet paper in two and lay one on each side on top of the ass-gasket.  It takes me a while to build it up enough for me to be able to sit down.

I'm convinced that people lose money at this casino and instead of taking it out on the buffet like any normal person would in Vegas, people take it out on the restroom.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  There are no security cameras and you can make a freakin' mess and someone has to come clean it up.  That's some people's revenge on the casino for losing money while gambling.  

The restrooms at Morongo are filthy.  The first restroom I went to had stalls with urine and toilet paper strewn about.  It looked like someone had a little ticker tape parade in there.  Then some neanderthals pissed all over the toilet seats.  The toilet paper is cheap and when the toilets flush, it rips the toilet paper to shreds without getting rid of it all so it looks like Chinese egg drop soup in the toilet bowl..  I left that restroom and went to another one that was in the same sad state of affairs  It's gross.

If it wasn't a dire emergency, I would have left Morongo and gone somewhere else.  This review was only of the restrooms.  As for the rest of the place, it's a casino... go check it out.

3 Kinds of Fake Homeless I Hate

I know I usually try to reserve this blog for funny stuff but this family drives me so crazy that I have to blog about it. I don't know what happened but Aliso Viejo has apparently become a mecca for people standing at corners with the fancy signs begging for money. I have a HUGE dislike for these people. Passing by them does not make me sad, it doesn't make me want to help out what it does is take all of my self control to not get out and unload my opinion on them.

First we have this fat, clean, decently dressed blonde lady who's sign claims she's a single mom and needs help. For at least 8 months now I've seen her and I have no clue where her kids are but she puts in some hours each day. If she is actually a single mom and if she is able to find someone to watch her kid each day then WHY not go get a real job instead of standing on the corner begging?????????

Now onto the next one that kills me, the guy with the dog. You have your dog sitting on a street corner, no water, no food, no shade. I get it, if I was homeless I'd probably want a dog too so I could have a buddy and someone to keep me safe but if you cannot give a dog the bare necessities then it's cruel and selfish for you to keep it. Every time I see this guy I won't give him shit but I always have something for the dog. It's all I can do to not throw a can of dog food at this guys head and tell the dog to get in my car.

And onto my most hated one of all: The whole family. These people enrage me. There always out here on weekends and late at night with their whole entire family. Again, if you have the means to have someone watch your children so you can go make some money, why would you chose not to and instead make them sit on the a corner and beg with you you selfish fucks!! The mom sits on her ass in a chair and the dad holds the sign and the kids just sit around. As a parent I have no idea how you can put your children through this, why you would allow this to be part of their childhood. I understand that people fall on hard times, I get it, I've been there. I also know its not always possible to shield your children from these times but you sure as fuck can take some measures to not make them a part of it. I'm sure these pathetic parents use their kids as a sympathy card which disgusts me to no end. The only thing that prevents me from calling child services on them is the worry that being separated from their parents and possibly their siblings would be more traumatic for the kids then what they are going through right now.

Oh yes and my favorite part of all three of these examples is.....THEY ALL HAVE CELL PHONES!!

Your Dog Can Be A Whore Too

Ok so if you're looking to get your dog knocked up or gangraped by the local mutts who roam your neighborhood you might want to stop at Petsmart and pick up something from the new Bret Michaels dog clothing line.

Here's a lovely corset, leather skirt and a jean outfit for your favorite four legged whore.

P.S. Stay tuned for pix of my dogs in these outfits. I mean, I just buying them for the sake of the blog, ya know....um yeah. My dogs aren't whores, their just popular.

Love Connections Made by Huffing Smelly T-Shirts

Just when you think you have seen it all up pops the thing you were so not looking for in a google search and tadaaahhh!

Pheromone Parties

How The Party Works

1. Guests sleep in a clean, white, cotton tshirt for 3 nights in a row to capture their odor print and bring this in a ziplock bag to the party.
2. Bags are labeled pink for girl, blue for boy. Each bag is assigned a number. Only the guest knows what their shirt’s number is.
3. Bags are placed on a table. Guests smell the bags at their leisure throughout the party.
4. If a guest finds the smell attractive, they take a picture with the bag at a photographer station. These pictures are projected as a slide show on the wall at the party.
5. If you see a picture of a guest you find attractive holding your number, this is the greenlight to talk to them. Haaaay.
6. At the end of the party, a facebook album is created and all of the pictures are tagged - so if you missed your match at the party, you can still contact them.

First I'd like to point out in the picture the girl is holding a bag that says 24 which would mean that someone really #1 put this party on and then #2 found at least 24 people who wanted to come and smell 23 other peoples gross sleep shirts. And we all know how dating is, you put your best foot forward so let me assure you these people probably suddenly became the types who had to shower before bed, maybe a splash of cologne or a lil body spray for for damn sure some deodorant. Suckas!

Who Needs AAA?

When you have a bike pump???

My White Elephant Gift

You better hope I'm picked as your secret Santa this year cause you're getting this.