Showing posts with label Last Resort Booty Calls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Last Resort Booty Calls. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Keep your Emotions Away From My Vagina

and yet another amazing blog I have found that I had to share...http://the-momfia.blogspot.com




The best part about FWB(friends with benefits) is that it is all benefit and not much friend, which is fine by me because the last thing I need is having to pretend to give a damn about someone else's problems. In the beginning its a big race to not only orgasm and get the fuck out, but prove who isn't going to be the one to get emotionally attached. Among orgasm's and late night hookups is an underlying competition: who's going to want more than just sex first?



Our culture typically depicts women as the emotional, needy, "I want more than just sex" types. While that's very often a valid case, it isn't always the situation. Men like to play aloof, but very often they find themselves caring about their FWD beyond a quick fuck. Feelings are complicated little bastards, unfortunately. What begins with calling your FWB over for an easy way to bang out your emotions with your personal life, ends with cuddling and someone staying over all night. Once breakfast starts getting made, someone starts sharing details, and before you know it you've found yourself in the worst hell possible; a label-less relationship.

The idea of FWB is an awesome one, endless blowjobs to the first guy who talked his best female friend into fucking without commitment. He's an innovator to relationships and fucking around the world(I say we dedicate Steak & a Blowjob day to him). However we have to be willing to improve upon his original idea(if we hadn't improved upon the phone we'd still not have sexting, NO THANKS Mr. G-Bell) of friends being perfect fucks and expand. We now have reach to the internet, which means MILLIONS of anonymous horny people we don't have to pretend to even be friends with(let alone give a shit about)!




Problems come up when even if an emotional attachment is SOMEHOW magically unavoidable by all parties, when do things stop? What if one person starts seriously dating someone else, but the other hasn't? Then it's no longer "Friends with Benefits" and just becomes "I used to sleep with my friend Corey who still sexts me when he's drunk and my new boyfriend isn't really fucking happy about that". That's the problem with Friends with Benefits, when the benefits stop, what happens to the friends? Someone is always the "left over party" or the "one who got attached". It's nearly impossible to recover a friendship once you've been on top of someone, then every time there after you so much as attempt at hanging out without letting it all hang out you end up with enough sexual frustration to rival my mother.

Sex is fun. Sex [can be] good. Sex with a friend rarely works beyond three months and ends a friendship that may have lasted years. My advice? Fuck perfect strangers, don't ask questions, and don't talk about your problems. Need someone to talk to? Call your fucking friends who aren't responsible for making you orgasm. Don't have any friends? First ask yourself why you're such an asshole that no one wants to be your friend, then join Facebook and complain.

Always remember: Keep your emotions away from your vagina and out of your friendships.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Last Resort Booty Calls For Guys....

Every NFL quarterback has a progression of check down options when his primary receiver isn’t available. He looks for his first option, second, and so on. Just like a quarterback, guys have a progression list for their late night booty call. When a guy strikes out at the bar, and doesn’t want to wake up alone, he turns to his options. The average guy has about 10. Text with caution.

Option 1. The Current Booty Call
This woman is always your first option and knows the routine. Hopefully she’s awake, available, and in the mood.

Option 2. The New Girl
Send a quick text to see if she’s still awake and possibly drunk enough to make a bad decision. If you really like this girl, and want the relationship to be more than a booty call, don’t text her when you’re hammered.

Option 3. The Old Booty Call
She hasn’t been around much, but there’s be no harm in sending a text and seeing if she would still be game.

Option 4. The Ex
Always a dangerous but quick “what are you up to” text. You’ll end up at her house with a nice wrestle session under the sheets. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pay for in the morning with pointless relationship talk.

Option 5. The Attractive Neighbor
This girls in in walking distance, but you haven’t hooked up with her, yet. If you think she’s around, send a flirty text asking if she wants to “watch a movie,” we all know what this is code for.

Option 6. The Recently Single Old Ex
This ex has been out of the text rotation for quite some time, but sending a quick “how you been” could never hurt. She’s recently single, extremely vulnerable, and easily to take advantage of since you already have the established rapport. Be her shoulder to cry on for an hour, and reap the benefits.

Option 7. The Out of Town Girl
You only see this girl when she’s in town to see friends, family, or business. Send a quick text to see when she’ll be in town next, and setup a friendly booty call.

Option 8. The Freak
She’s not the most attractive girl, but definitely makes up for it in the bedroom. With enough cocktails and no response from your other options, she’ll do for the night. We refer to this girl to as the 2-6er, you only see her between 2am and 6am.

Option 9. The Friend
You always have that attractive friend, who never has a boyfriend, but you have never hooked up with. If you’re desperate, why not send a text and see what happens. If she’s a real friend, she’ll forgive you the next day.

Option 10. The Mass Text
You send the general “Hey what are you up?” mass text to a dozen or so girls in your phone hoping to get a response and go from there.

If the progression list runs its course with no response, then it looks like you are waking up alone.