Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Because That's Completely Normal

So I was on the elevator yesterday and noticed this lady had what appeared to be a hammer in her hand which I found to be slightly out of place.

Did she need to hang something at work and her company did not have a hammer? or the building maintenance people would not allow her to borrow one? Maybe it's not a hammer and I'm jumping the gun but what else resembles a hammer? What did she need to hang that was so important that she set a hammer out at home and remembered to bring it all the way to work...furthermore WHY am I so concerned. I have real white people problems like having too many pillows on my couch to know the proper placement to arrange them so they look the best. I should be focusing on important stuff like that but no I can't take my eyes off this killer. Why is she hiding it under her sweater? Why not just throw it in her bag? Why is the sweater draped so over it in a way that conceals it like she is hiding the fact that she is going to murder someone (or is possibly coming from one....we all know a boss or two who could use a good murdering). I don't see blood. Maybe it's under the sweater. Ooooppp!!! The sweater shifted!!

I wonder if she noticed. Well I happened to notice that I was in fact correct it is a hammer. Why do I know what the end of a hammer looks like so well? Too many years of dating thugs I suppose. Well now that I have seen her weapon and I've captured it on my cellular device what if she turns around and beats me to death with it. I know your thinking I'm crazy but hello have you watched the news lately? This week a guy stomped his 17 month old to death while the mom stood by and watched, another lady was charged with murder because she made her daughter sit on the car on the drive home because her swimsuit was wet so there are definitely crazy, psycho people out there just waiting to go off. So anyways, luckily for me I spotted my car and jumped in feeling like I had just narrowly dodged death and that my friends is what it's like to be in my brain for five whole minutes.

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