Friday, April 27, 2012

Because Some People Forget the Rules

Booty Call Contract
This pre-booty call agreement (hereafter referred to as the Agreement) is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2008, by__________________ _____, between ____________and_____ _________. THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES: 1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning. 2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening. 3. No calls before 9 PM - we do not have shit to talk about. 4. None of that lovemaking shit - only sex allowed. 5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so do not ask. 6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the backup, unless you are from out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement. 7. All gifts accepted - money is always good. 8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged. 9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it is really none of your damn business. 10. No calling each other friends with privileges we are not friends, just sex buddies. 11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - do not be offended. 12. No extra clothing - I do not want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave. 13. No falling asleep right after sex - it’s over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the fuck home. 14. Do not be offended if I do not ask if you enjoyed it - I really do not care. 15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason. 16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: My roommates girlfriend/boyfriend. 17. Doggystyle is the preferred position - the reason is the less eye contact the better. 19. No condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass home. 20. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store. 21. No phone use, please - I do not want anyone calling back looking for your ass. * EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules. Participating Party Signature___________ ____________________ ________ Date: ________________ Participating Party Signature___________ ____________________ ________ Date: ________________ __________________

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