Tuesday, March 23, 2010

If I were doing Bill Gates

If I were fucking Bill Gates the very first thing I’d ask him is to invent a phone technology that would do the following:

When people send more than one message or vm it would automatically delete the previous one so I never have to read more than one at a time from one person. What is it with you multiple texters? Do you think that your first 9 messages didn’t go through? That they got lost in the cyber world? If people don’t respond it’s because they are either busy or don’t want to. And let’s just say they are busy at that moment there is nothing more awkward then trying to have an important conversation with someone and having your phone going off like a freaking pin ball machine ping ping ping ping…..then you gotta deal with the oh so clever “wohoho your blowing up, Mrs. Popularity”….and then you look to see that your super important 45 text messages say hey, yo, hi, whats up? Whatryadoin? U out? Wanna go out? Did you get my first text?”

The next feature on my FG (fuckgates) phone would be a preset option for certain numbers of people who always leave 3 hour messages letting you know that they are driving and were thinking of you and what they did that day and how you don’t need to call back and faawwwwkkkk delete delete delete. With my feature it would direct those peoples numbers straight to my voicemail and then when they were done recording their message it would say your message had exceeded the limit please try a shorter message and it would keep doing this time and time again until at last they can manage to sum up what their calling about in 20 seconds or less.

My third and final feature would enable me to set certain numbers to only call during certain hours. If they call outside of these hours nothing would happen. There calls would get lost along with their hopes. It won’t ring, it won’t allow voicemail, and it won’t connect….nothing. Then when they call during appropriate times and you speak to them you can just play dumb like that’s weird…freaking t-mobile!

If anyone knows how to make these dreams become my reality I would be so excited.

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